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The first year we spent well over $1500.00. (This was more than our house payment.) And for all that money spent, I quite honestly cannot remember a single thing we gave each other that year, except the expensive ski outfit I bought my non-skiing husband.
The year I began writing down these expenses, penny for penny, was something of an epiphany for me. It wasn't just the amount of money that bothered me, it was the waste: the toys that were tossed aside on the 26th, the clothes that went into closets never to reappear, the outfits for work parties that were only worn once. It was the running around and stressing about whether so-and-so would like thier gifts and wondering if I should by just one more thing... It was the lack of Christian spirit on - of all days - Christmas day. When I really thought about it, Christmas did not seem to be in line with our true values at all.
We've all heard the tired "taking the commercialism out of Christmas" lecture in various ways. We hear it and we nod our heads and point at other people's spoiled children. I, for one, considered my family to be above the commercialism. Afterall - I justified to myself - some people have more than one useless ski outfit! But that day four years ago, I took a good look in the mirror... and what I saw wasn't pretty.
I began that moment by going through our Christmas gift list - 27 people long - and whittled it down to the people who really, truly mattered. I don't mean that I didn't care for all 27 people on the list, but rather that the gift-giving experience with some was more stressful than meaningful, and sometimes lacked any meaning at all. I thought about our options and decided the best way to approach the subject was by simply being forward and honest with everyone. I started on my side of the family. One by one I asked everyone to reconsider our yearly gift exchange and to open thier minds to an alternative, which was to exchange gifts only if we were actually spending the holiday together, and otherwise to send a letter or a card. To my suprise, everyone was happy to change the system. My younger sister, living on a very small income, was the most relieved. This first "success" gave me the motivation to continue on to the other side of the family...
The inlaws . My husband was very supportive of my attempt to scale down Christmas. His large family had resorted to name drawings many years ago because there were so many people. The later addition of spouses and children meant more people, more conflict and unfortunately, less closeness. The gifts reflected the lack of closeness. I won't give details about electric can openers and plastic clocks, I'll just say it was obvious that some people were far more interested in making sure they spent exactly the monetary limit than they were in what the recipient might need or want. My husband and I also agreed that his family would have been offended by an attempt to stop the yearly exchange, so we decided instead that we would continue to buy a gift for his parents who we love dearly, and bow out of the family name drawing. This did not involve changing the system in any way, only that we would no longer be included by our own choice. It also did not mean that we could not celebrate the holiday with his family.
Soon after this decision, we recieved a transfer from my husband's company. Since I had to quit my job in order to move, this answered the question of the ridiculous work-related Christmas expenses. At my work we were expected to make a donation of $30 each for the boss's gift. This amounted to between $600 and $650 for a single gift, so you can only imagine the kinds of things he recieved. To make matters worse, we had to give our money to the sr. employee who then went shopping. No one ever knew what the gift was (that they paid for) until it was presented at the annual party. This was a long standing tradition and speaking up against it was like saying something bad about the prom queen. Then there was the co-worker name drawing with a spending limit that was actually higher than the one my husband's family used. Every year we were expected to work half of Christmas Eve Day and spend the other half with our co-workers (no family allowed) eating and exchanging our gifts. Every year I resented this intrusion on my family - other families were out on thier traditional ski trips or hanging out making cookies and wrapping presents, and I was at the workplace with people I didn't love, exchanging gifts I had put more money than thought into. I am not sure how I would have dealt with this had we remained there, but my hope is that I would have wisened up and gone home - for good.
With me now staying home, we were in a "more time than money" state of existence for the first time. I began shopping right after Christmas. (This was also a first for me!) I bought cards for the next season, wrapping paper, the yearly ornaments for the kids, decorations - all of it 75% or more off. I was thrilled to be taking action! I found out that shopping throughout the year yields the best results; I was able to find the right kinds of things for the lowest price by taking advantage of sales. I did not have to resort to buying "filler gifts" at the last minute, rather I had so much time to think about each person (and fewer people to think about) that I believe I did some of my most thoughtful gift-giving ever. On hindsight, my faux pas was that I got caught up in the fact that I was saving so much money and I went a little overboard. If I found a great deal on the perfect gift, I would "compensate" for having spent so little by giving more gifts. The fact is, my gifts were just as great as ones I used to spend a lot of money on and no one would have known the difference - but I was self conscious about it. I was still operating from the mindset that "more money = more love". Still, we saved half of what we had spent the previous year.
The next year was even better - I learned to yard sale and thrift shop, I became better at identifying good sales and I was feeling less pressure to "compensate" for having found an inexpensive gift. Second hand shopping is another experience altogether... visibly used items are generally not acceptable as gifts, therefore I stick to a rule of only buying items that have origional tags/packaging. Despite this, I found some real winners and I was able to get our Christmas budget under $500.00 for the first time ever.
This year, the fourth year I've kept track, I am nearly done shopping and have barely broken $100.00. This is partly due to the addition of some homemade gifts, such as flavored oils and hand-painted holiday plates. We have also begun the habit of using Christmas stationary that we buy clearanced after the holidays, rather than cards. I have gotten more creative with wrapping - rather than buying the typical rolls I come up with a "theme" each year. Last year I used plain brown paper (from grocery bags) and stamped giant green Christmas trees on it, then tied it with raffia. People notice the homemade wrap and think it's extra special - I've even had friends copy it.
But I believe the biggest reason our spending is down is due to a change in attitude toward this holiday. I am trying to all but eliminate the material aspect. Certainly we will exchange gifts, but my children will get one or two things they really want rather than a truck load. (I am embarrassed to recall holidays when we've had to entice the children to continue opening gifts because they grew tired of it. Can you say s-p-o-i-l-e-d?) I have most of my shopping and creating done, which leaves me a lot of time to teach my kids how to make the chocolate fudge, Snowball cookies, and toffee bars that my grandma always made at Christmastime. Oh yeah... bring on the holidays!
The real irony in spending less on Christmas is that you have to think more. (Men, listen up!) It's easy to rush out at the last minute and charge up the card, then pay to have the gifts wrapped because you didn't make time. It's another thing altogether to search for the perfect gift at the best price, or to spend a few hours making something that no one can put a price on.
I have noticed friends who are growing weary of the materialism of Christmas, and some are actually changing thier gift giving practices as well. I dare say I see the pendulum swinging the other way, toward a more family and less commercial holiday.
But just when I begin to feel optimistic, visions of WalMart shoppers climbing over each other to get to a Furby doll enter my head. We have a looooong way to go!
Laura was previously interviewed for an article about one-income living. Although she and her husband used to both work, she now stays home with their two children and feels the conversion to frugality has made thier lives much better.
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