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Couples and Money
A few months ago I wrote from a woman's point of view. This time I'm wearing my "couple" hat. In my last article I shared a question from a couple who were money opposites, and the obvious agony that that caused. It has been said that most people, among other characteristics, do marry their money opposite. Sadly, this is probably why the number one reason for divorce is money.
It doesn't have to be that way, of course. However, that statistic shows what an important issue money is to get worked out between partners. In the best of circumstances, partners reach "win-win" agreements right from the start-if this isn't true for you, make a course correction now!
What do the couples who are financially harmonious know? Three things: (1) They must talk about it, (2) It is important for both partners to participate and understand, and (3) A good budget is a tool to help them be organized and efficient.
(1) Communication!
Everyone needs a budget for the simple purpose of good communication. Businesses spend a lot of time and resources on maintaining their budgets because they need a common "language" to discuss their finances. Couples need that "language" too!
A budget facilitates good communication because it allows you to see and evaluate all your spending at once. You can't tell how deep a well is if it's filled with rocks! Getting all your expenses out on the table lets you evaluate them simultaneously, in a rational light. If there is an atmosphere allowing both to honestly express the importance of each item, so much the better. What are your plans, priorities, hopes, dreams, and goals? Maybe you'll decide to eat out only once a month so you can funnel money to a future house fund-or maybe dining out is a really important part of your relationship and you want to allocate a "date night" once a week.
Deciding together helps you both to get on board, and support the decisions during the tough times. Setting up a budget together will save agonizing over spending decisions month in and month out for all the years of your marriage.
(2) Participation and Understanding
Equally important to the monetary benefits of budgeting is that by setting the budget plan up together either one of you can "run" it. Suppose, as is often the case, that one of you becomes the primary bill-payer. Without a consistent system known by both partners, the non-bill-payer is often left in the dark and really doesn't know or understand the family finances.
Further suppose that the bill-payer becomes unexpectedly sick or must travel for awhile. With a budget and system you create together it is easy for the other to jump in.
With a budget, you have a tool for communication that you both know how to use. You have a consistent method. You both "buy into" the ramifications of decisions because it is not a situation of one "imposing" something on the other.
(3) Budgeting is just a "tool."
Unfortunately, most people have learned to think about running a budget as a torture mechanism, something meant to deprive. However, the literal definition is "to plan in advance the expenditure of." A budget is just a tool; just like your lawnmower, microwave, or computer. It's just there to help you function better!
Before I end here with "Six Quick Topics to Get the Discussion Started," I wanted to briefly mention that there are books out there to help to excavate the emotional and behavioral issues of our "money personalities." Olivia Mellon is an author who has written several books on the money issues between couples. And the popular Suze Orman ( The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom: Practical and Spiritual Steps So You Can Stop Worrying
Six Quick Topics to Get the Discussion Started:
(1) Personal Money Habits: How much cash do you carry, what types of cards do you use (credit, debit, ATM), what types of bank accounts do you have (checking, saving)? Discuss general philosophies of money.
(2) Spending Habits: What are your shopping habits?
(3) Logistics of Money Handling: Do you balance your checkbook each month, have a budget, save receipts, do your own taxes, have a filing system?
(4) Credit History: What have you borrowed money for and from whom? Any issues with repayment or debt?
(5) Investments: What types of stocks, mutual funds, pension plans, or money outside of regular checking and savings accounts do you have? How do you choose your investments and who are the beneficiaries?
(6) Insurance: Do you have health, auto, life, disability, and homeowners/renters? Who are they carried with, names on policies, and beneficiaries?
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